Sometimes You're closer than my skin ([info]myohmyapplepie) wrote,
@ 2004-09-11 00:21:00
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I never used to get headaches.
I'm so sick of life.

wow. that must have been my best opening sentence yet. but really, i'm only 15, and i'm sick of the same situations, the same people (people being the same), the same thoughts running through my head. which never used to hurt. I hate how no matter how hard you try, there is always going to be more to accomplish. I love complaining. I love the sound of this keyboard. I hate memories. Especially ones that still make me dizzy. I like not making sense. I miss someone. I hate someone. They are the same person. There's more than one of those too. I hate how I think about the same things over and over until they become nothing to me in my head. I hate how I think so much. Sometimes I wish I was more stupid, or at least not as bright as i am, so that i could just go through life with the relief of pretending to be something i'm not, and not bother with caring about who i really am. I hate this country. I'm glad that I was born here, it gave me the desire to leave. I want to go to Africa and help starving kids. I want to go to ITALY for pleasure. I hate the word pleasure, I hate it's connotation. I want to forget all about life and go somewhere else in my head. I wish that i knew how to do this without drugs. I'm glad that I don't do drugs. I'm sick of this county, I'm sick of the girls, I'm sick of the boys. I hate how I get embarassed. I hate how my insecurity hides who i am sometimes. I hate how i think about what people will be thinking when they read this. Why should I care? What are you thinking? You should tell me, and you should tell me the truth. I feel like a horrible person tonight, so really, let me know the truth.

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[info]exploshin
2004-09-11 06:08 am UTC (link)
me too.
all of the above.

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[info]whospikedmyv8
2004-09-11 06:47 am UTC (link)
Sickening. That's the only word I can think of to describe it here.

Over-thinking is an asshole, I have the same problem. But I'm so glad you're not stupid like the type of people that give you a hard time. Then I'd have no one to talk to.

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[info]_effyou
2004-09-11 09:52 am UTC (link)
I think that you need to stop thinking about things that don't matter. Like your mom said that one night I went to bible study with you and your little sister kept asking your mom about things that don't matter. What they think doesn't matter. I know I wish I could convince myself that it doesn't matter because I know it doesn't but I am still worried about you. You're not a horrible person. And I am proud of you for not using drugs to escape the pain. I think that if you're suffering from depression that you need to tell your mom about it and seek some help from pyschologists or doctors that can give you medicine that will make you not be paniced about that. I love you. Please don't care about what people think, because if they can't see how wonderfull you are, then they are just not worth it.

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[info]myohmyapplepie
2004-09-11 12:35 pm UTC (link)
I'm not depressed. I just get sad late at night sometimes. That's when I usually write in this thing, I think everyone should know that.

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[info]_effyou
2004-09-11 01:11 pm UTC (link)
You can tell me you're not drepressed all you want, but I know you're a big fat liar.

Depression is defined as an illness when the feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and despair persist and interfere with a child or adolescent’s ability to function.
You have that, in the sentence; "i'm only 15, and i'm sick of the same situations, the same people (people being the same), the same thoughts running through my head. which never used to hurt. I hate how no matter how hard you try, there is always going to be more to accomplish."

"I miss someone. I hate someone. They are the same person. There's more than one of those too. I hate how I think about the same things over and over until they become nothing to me in my head." -- You lost someone, that you miss dearly. But you hate them so much for what they did to you. That's despair.

Though the term "depression" can describe a normal human emotion, it also can refer to a mental health illness. Depressive illness in children and teens is defined when the feelings of depression persist and interfere with a child or adolescent's ability to function.
You're functioning to only the ability that you are able to act un-depressed (if that's even a word) I know you are because I know you and how you lock things away. You can keep disagreeing with me, but for once I know I am partly right.

Depression is common in teens and younger children. About 5 percent of children and adolescents in the general population suffer from depression at any given point in time.
It's a normal emotion, you're going to go through it. Everyone does.

Children under stress, who experience loss, or who have attentional, learning, conduct or anxiety disorders are at a higher risk for depression. Teenage girls are at especially high risk, as are minority youth.
You lost someone that meant a lot to you, and you may say you're totally over that person you lost, but there is always going to be an empty spot from that. It's happened to me, not as bad as it happened to you, but to an extend as yours and I still feel that hurt. and sometimes I know you still feel it too.

Depressed youth often have problems at home. In many cases, the parents are depressed, as depression tends to run in families.
You don't really have a problem at home, besides for your father being so far away from you. But I know you know he loves you a lot. And that you're able to talk to him.

Over the past 50 years, depression has become more common and is now recognized at increasingly younger ages. As the rate of depression rises, so does the teen suicide rate.
Yes, I know you won't commit suicide, you're not that stupid. And I know you don't let things get to you to the fact of wanting to kill yourself.

It is important to remember that the behavior of depressed children and teenagers may differ from the behavior of depressed adults.
I don't have a comment on this, besides that if you see someone else's depression it won't be the same as your depression.

Mental health professionals advise parents to be aware of signs of depression in their children.
I am acting as your mom. k. thankyou. RESPECT ME. MUAHAHA.

If one or more of these signs of depression persist, parents should seek help:

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[info]_effyou
2004-09-11 01:13 pm UTC (link)
Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying
Teens may show their pervasive sadness by wearing black clothes, writing poetry with morbid themes, or having a preoccupation with music that has nihilistic themes. They may cry for no apparent reason.
Hopelessness
Teens may feel that life is not worth living or worth the effort to even maintain their appearance or hygiene. They may believe that a negative situation will never change and be pessimistic about their future.
Decreased interest in activities; or inability to enjoy previously favorite activities
Teens may become apathetic and drop out of clubs, sports, and other activities they once enjoyed. Not much seems fun anymore to the depressed teen.
Persistent boredom; low energy
Lack of motivation and lowered energy level is reflected by missed classes or not going to school. A drop in grade averages can be equated with loss of concentration and slowed thinking.
Don't tell me you're not depressed because I know you do understand that some of those things do apply to you, not as severly as you probably think I'm thinking, but I have this feeling you're understanding where I'm coming from. I love you a lot. That's why I took the time to do research on this, just to make you think. =)

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[info]myohmyapplepie
2004-09-12 10:19 pm UTC (link)
thank you for doing all that brittany, it shows that you care. It was also just a nice thing to do. Depression... eh.. i dunno. I don't like calling it that.

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[info]myohmyapplepie
2004-09-12 10:21 pm UTC (link)
I prefer "emotionally aware."

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wow it won
[info]_effyou
2004-09-13 07:02 am UTC (link)
I do care and if you ever think I don't you have a screw lose in your head. I love you a lot and you should know that. Even if sometimes I seem like I don't care. So, anyhow. I'm glad you understand as to where I am coming from. Don't worry we're in the same

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Re: wow it won
[info]_effyou
2004-09-13 07:02 am UTC (link)
my bunny died :(

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Re: wow it won
[info]myohmyapplepie
2004-09-13 04:47 pm UTC (link)
i know, i'm sooooo sorry. i know how much you loved that bunny, even though it was just a bunny, haha. seriously, sorry.

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Re: wow it won
[info]_effyou
2004-09-13 04:49 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, it's alright. We're starting p.e. soon! gross. Shay. ew.
die. ew.
ew.ew.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Re: wow it won
[info]myohmyapplepie
2004-09-13 04:47 pm UTC (link)
:]

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[info]subtracting
2004-09-11 01:56 pm UTC (link)
i think i love you, and you're only a kid. you're supposed to feel all of this, but in my opinion you're taking everything to heart way too much.


you have your whole life ahead of you, and that's a long time. might as well make the best of it, eh?

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[info]myohmyapplepie
2004-09-12 10:18 pm UTC (link)
eh.

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[info]___shestooyoung
2004-09-11 05:52 pm UTC (link)
add me?
<3

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[info]myohmyapplepie
2004-09-11 07:02 pm UTC (link)
sure, but who are you?

(Reply to this) (Parent)
<333
[info]only_carrabba
2004-09-12 01:24 pm UTC (link)
melly i love you! i hope you know that i'm never going to let us not be best friends. i'll cling to you to the grave. you are beautiful.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: <333
[info]myohmyapplepie
2004-09-12 10:17 pm UTC (link)
i want you to go to my school. or i want to go to your school. i need christian friends. real bad.

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